Blessed: His Love Can't Be Stopped.

There are these times when I just cannot understand why I do the things I do. I really messed up. I feel awful. And in several ways, I asked God how He could call me His child. When He should be ashamed of me. When I shouldn't be allowed to say I am a follower. His grace endures. Tonight at Breathe, I just listened to what He had to say. I opened my ears to His words. I heard a few things; "You are My son, I forgive you...."Kyle, I love you". It was a weight off my shoulders. How can I let Him down daily, hourly, by the second and He still love me so much? I will never get it. Maybe it is time I accept it. It sure is hard when He gave His life so that I may breathe. It is my only, and natural response that I use what He has given me, and I use these things to glorify Him. That I worship Him. I want to serve Him, as I am called. I am also forgiven as written in I John 1:9; " If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

When I think I can do no worse, He catches me in my sinful falls anyway. John Mark McMillan wrote it best in my favorite worship song, "How He Loves". He said; "Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking, So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss, And the heart turns violently inside of my chest, I don't have time to maintain these regrets, When I think about, the way He loves us"


Dear God, thanks. I want to do everything in my power to worship You all the time. It is my tiny, and only response to You dying for me, to You loving me unconditionally.

God's Plans? (Back to the Future)

I wish I could see exactly what God was going to do with my life. It's one of those things where I know what I want in my life for a day or so, and then I disagree if that's what is best. I originally wanted to come to college to study Sports Management, land a sweet internship, and have an easy, "normal" life. October made my normal plans seem boring, seem average. I fully committed my life to Christ then, and since my life has flipped all around. Friendships. Relationships. Goals. Music. Conversation. Purpose. While this seems confusing(it can be), I know it's the balance of life. God is the balance. He puts everything in real perspective. I love God, when He is the only one who always has my back. It is too often that people let me down, and I feel like I only let people down sometimes. Anyway, how awesome would it be to see just exactly what He wants to do with my life right now? And then, I could just go back to the past after I saw my future. I am slowly learning the joys of life: good music, meaningful friendships, Bible studies/ God conversations, talking to God, fruition of prayer, and telling people what God has done in my life. Unfortunately, school work, early mornings, disagreements, lack of musical ability, and failing God(even though He loves me anyway) don't really make me feel like life is going great. It is always easier to look back at your past, and say "Well, that was not fun, but...hey, it sure did pay off, right?"I want to see myself in 3-4 years saying that. It is not easy to say well I know just what my tribulations/issues now are for. Oh well, there is nothing my God can't help me with. He is always here.

Lucid Thoughts, Little Sleep, Lots of John Mayer's Stratocaster

I have been thinking a lot. I went to the John Mayer concert. Pretty much the icing of the stale cake that has been the past few weeks. Amazing. Anyway, I watched the opening act, Michael Franti & Spearhead. Not saying they were not good, but there is that feeling/moment where you ask yourself this: "Why can't I being playing music here...right now? I could do that, and be better." Not saying I am an amazing musician by any stretch, but who is to say I cannot do it? It's fun to dream about, especially when you play music with others, and you think there is that glimmer of hope or whatever that you could be it. There is the unrest with the "normal", the anxious moments that grab you when you are in school. We will see how it goes, but I guess I am just being 19 here. On a side note, Steve Jordan didn't make me think I could be successful. John Mayer's singing and playing is one of a kind, and to think I could be in a band like that is silly. But, "who says" I can't dream?

Text Messaging. Easy. Awful.

I cannot fully say that text messaging is a horrible thing. I use it for keeping in contact with people. Quick, easy socializing. It's good. I am constantly having to talk to someone. At any rate, I am discovering how horrible text messages are. I can text joy, anxiety, and anger very easily. But my relationships through texts are never the same as a face to face conversation. Recently, I have found myself to be in disagreements. Things were said that maybe shouldn't have been, but when I was able to talk to that person face to face, I discovered that my impressions were largely in my head. It's just funny how a text can create a whole entire, new, and sometimes awkward situation, when really, there may not be as many issues as I thought. I think a thing to avoid is developing, and limiting relationships to text messaging. This is really detrimental to ever understanding someone. Half of the time, understanding someone's point of view is distorted in a text. Not to mention, the ability to hold and lock texts can be a whole new dilemna. Suddenly, someone can hold quotes over someone's head. And in a normal conversation, the quote might not even be remembered.
So, long story short. If you have a friendship, make sure you interact with that person in other ways than text. For lack of better terms, it is quite lame. Sometimes, you can go from the most ridiculous sad, angry, upset state, and then you can see that person, and you somehow wonder why you were even upset. Don't do too much thinking. Know that "ya", "idk", "lol" don't hold too much water in a real conversation. Let the other person say exactly what they mean, and don't worry too much.

Love & I

There is not much to say. We can call ourselves unique. But really, some of us like the same music, television. hobbies, and we are all the same. I strive to do something that very few seem to understand. Love is an overused word. We use it for when we wish to recieve. When really, giving love is what we are called to do. How sappy is it that I write of love when I first create a blog? Anyway. I find myself to be more misunderstood everyday. I honestly find purpose in loving people. John 13:34-35 says it all for me: "34A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
So, am I not just doing as I was told, and doing what I need to do? I am always waiting for people to tell me what's on their minds. Sure, it may seem strange that I want to do so. But, I find joy in being there for people. It's hard to understand I suppose. In another book of John(John Mayer that is), from a live perfomance of his cover of "Bold as Love", Mayer said; "I've done everything in my life that I've wanted to do except just give and feel love for my living. And I don't mean like, uh, Roman candle, fireworks, Hollywood hot pink love. I mean, like, "I got your back"-love. I don't need to hear "I love ya." You guys love me. I love you. We got that down. But some of the people who would tell you they love ya were the last people to just have your back. So I'm gonna experiment with this love thing. Giving love. Feeling love. I know it's corny but it's the last thing I've got to check out before I check out."
With that, we can all say, yes. That's spot on. For me anyway. So, if you ever want to pin me down to what I am all about, it comes down to me just wanting to love people. That's all it is. If you think my motives rest in something other than that, then you are just wrong. When Christ extended His love for us, we owe it to Him to give our love to each other. The Creator asks, we should deliver.