I suppose there is a degree to which I am really scared
about life. I want to do so many things,
be many places, impact many people, and see awesome things. I don’t think anyone can say they aren’t
scared of their future. If they weren’t
they’d be perfect. I know everything is
planned out. I know there is an
Architect in heaven who loves me and holds my future. I have found so much shelter in the presence
of God. It’s a home when “home” doesn’t
offer much security. I don’t think I
need Saul to be after me, trying to kill me, while I’m hiding in a cave like
David to know that God is a beautiful Refuge.
I have seen Him be my refuge even when I’m alright.
“This
God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those
who take refuge in him”- Psalm 18:30
I have
been discovering just how beautiful Jesus is. I’m growing to learn that this
life is far but easy, far but free from hurt.
But walking with Jesus is for now, and forever. Even when I’m weak, He is strong. I think the lie to men (and women for that
matter) of being strong, tough and not letting things phase you is one of the
biggest hindrances of our thought life, prayer life, and social life. There is a balance, a tension, between being
strong before men for the sake of not being involved in pity and drama. The other side is storing emotions and
compartmentalizing, of which is the enemy’s convenient way of hindering our
walk, worship, and love for others.
Speak truth. So hard to do sometimes. Hard to receive, and
sometimes just as hard to speak. We go
through enough in this life that we need to speak out what we feel and how we
feel, or we’re just robots with a super human strength, of which, no one really
has.
And when no one understands, Jesus surely does. Like a Friend you’ve never had, like a Lover
who isn’t afraid of your dirty clothes, like a Brother who is with you through
it all. Jesus is good.
In a song simply titled, “Spontaneous Song” (how charismatic
can you make that one?), Kim Walker-Smith sings “I am my Beloved’s and He is
mine” countless times in between speaking in heavenly tongues.
We have a love that’s truer than all reality, and if God
spoke into your heart, then it’s your job to answer back.
