Driving In The Rain, And Scared

I really like metaphors and cool things like that in the small things. The other day, God really showed me some stuff just in driving to Target. I offered a few guys I know to go with me to Target, just because I needed to get something (and didn't really want to go by myself).  The weather was fine when we were leaving, but there are some things you ought to know about me: driving for me is nerve-wracking, and I don't drive in bad conditions.  As soon as we were leaving school, past the gas station and heading towards Monroe, the rain really let down. It was pretty rough. I thought about turning back, because I have no experience in something like that, usually, I'm the one riding along.  I was worried, and I had to slow down.  I was worried not only for myself, but for the others. I knew that this beating rain wasn't something I could just wish away, it was something I had to go through to get to my destination.  Of course, people drive awful, so I had to be wise in driving and be safe.  But, the coolest thing was that I felt that as soon as I would get to Target in Monroe, the weather would be fine.  While it isn't a far distance, it was enough to cause me some trouble and make me feel afraid. Sure enough, the weather changed right as I was pulling into Target.  The sun made his appearance, and affirmed my feeling about the clear weather I felt would come. 
How far off is this experience from real life? I mean, sure, I couldn't really connect asphalt, windshield wipers, and turn signals to the Bible, but this story really encouraged me. 
God really honors His children, and His promises always happen. No matter the trial, storm or fear.  I really recommend that you read Deuteronomy 8.  That chapter has rocked me for the last 2 years.  The Holy Spirit showed me when I was going through something rough way back then, and He has been faithful to encourage me with it to this day.  New challenges, new storms, but He always has the same faithfulness.
Check out this passage:
Deuteronomy 8

"He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.  Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years."- Deuteronomy 8:3-4



I hope that you find that passage as encouraging as it has been for me. Believe in Jesus, His faithfulness, and His promises.

Out of rope, sand in your hands, and Hope

I’ve been running this rat race lately of trying to do things and be alright so that I can be, in fact, “alright”.  Or at least have the appearance of being alright  I don’t know you if follow me or not.  But, maybe you’ve been through a time or several when you’re out on the end of your rope and you’re looking up, saying “Okay, when are You gonna help me out, I mean, really replace this stuff?”  I know I certainly am out of that rope. When you feel like you’ve run out of wind, and you’re just out in the ocean, waiting on some kind of miraculous action to come and save you.  Sometimes you know you’re out of your rope.  And maybe you don’t know you’re out of your rope.  But, you look down at your hands to see what you’re holding onto, and you find yourself without a rope, or anything to grab onto.  You find out, you’ve been holding on, desperately at that, to just sand.  And then it leaves your hands all at once, and you find yourself falling down, trying to find that rope.  Life has to be more than surviving.  I want to feel the security of running a race worth running, and love that doesn't run dry, or leave me at the end of the road wondering what happened.  Resurrection is what I need, to be raised up in the spirit and in my core to know it's all going to work out, and I will make it.  I need an assurance that the broken mess I wake up in, and stand in, is being attended to and that it will all be fixed.  I want Truth, help and healing.  In a world where not everything fits together, what may work for you, may not work for me. I’m ready for the Lord to come down into my circumstances, flip me and my world upside down, and resurrect everything that I broke. 
 I particularly like John Mark McMillan’s “Love You Swore”, and you will too. It’s honest worship.  Some lines certainly resonate with me & my walk.

“Spare my body from the wolves, God

That crouch down at my door,

Lift me up above the waters,

And the sharks that guard your shore,

Cause I know that I need you,

But sometimes I know it more,

Whoa oh…

Harbor me in the eye of the storm,

I’m holding on to love you swore”

Check it out:

Right after I wrote the last portion of the blog, I realized that I had to get some release and help. I didn’t really want to, to be honest. I tried my best to play some guitar (with a capo, anyone can sound like they almost know what they’re doing), and I just starting expressing how I felt, and I kept saying these lines over (some more than others), and I started to cry and really break through, hope you can be encouraged:

I choose to praise You, God

I know you’re good

Even when my circumstances don’t look like it

I know you love me

Even though I cant feel it

You are good

I wish you’d come down here and fix my mess

I want to have faith

You’re all that I’m holding onto

I know you’ll protect me

Love & Refuge

I suppose there is a degree to which I am really scared about life.  I want to do so many things, be many places, impact many people, and see awesome things.  I don’t think anyone can say they aren’t scared of their future.  If they weren’t they’d be perfect.  I know everything is planned out.  I know there is an Architect in heaven who loves me and holds my future.  I have found so much shelter in the presence of God.  It’s a home when “home” doesn’t offer much security.  I don’t think I need Saul to be after me, trying to kill me, while I’m hiding in a cave like David to know that God is a beautiful Refuge.  I have seen Him be my refuge even when I’m alright.

 “This God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him”- Psalm 18:30

 I have been discovering just how beautiful Jesus is. I’m growing to learn that this life is far but easy, far but free from hurt.  But walking with Jesus is for now, and forever.  Even when I’m weak, He is strong.  I think the lie to men (and women for that matter) of being strong, tough and not letting things phase you is one of the biggest hindrances of our thought life, prayer life, and social life.  There is a balance, a tension, between being strong before men for the sake of not being involved in pity and drama.  The other side is storing emotions and compartmentalizing, of which is the enemy’s convenient way of hindering our walk, worship, and love for others. 

Speak truth. So hard to do sometimes. Hard to receive, and sometimes just as hard to speak.  We go through enough in this life that we need to speak out what we feel and how we feel, or we’re just robots with a super human strength, of which, no one really has.  

And when no one understands, Jesus surely does.  Like a Friend you’ve never had, like a Lover who isn’t afraid of your dirty clothes, like a Brother who is with you through it all. Jesus is good.

In a song simply titled, “Spontaneous Song” (how charismatic can you make that one?), Kim Walker-Smith sings “I am my Beloved’s and He is mine” countless times in between speaking in heavenly tongues. 

We have a love that’s truer than all reality, and if God spoke into your heart, then it’s your job to answer back.

Created To Share Our Hearts

It’s always interesting to wake up and know that God designed mankind in such a way that our desires can only be met through Him.  Like square holes, in a world filled with circular, triangular, octagonal pieces that won’t fit. If not, that’d be some kind of cruel joke.  Ultimately, I think one of our most basic desires is to share our hearts. No person can tell you that deep down they really just want to exist and to be around people, never desiring to express or share themselves.  Even in our selfish ways, we want so badly to share what’s inside of us; good and bad.  And if you’re a logical, thinking, and analytical person, you still want to share your heart.  That desire is the same reason why we sing songs, write books, hug, have conversation and spend time with other people.  If there wasn’t a reason to share ourselves, our hearts, then we would be made to commune with ourselves.  But, ever since the Garden of Eden, to the Garden of Gethsemane, sharing our hearts has been at the core of what we were made to do.  Whether it is God speaking to Adam, giving him life, to Jesus pouring out His heart to God the Father, this example shows how we were made to share our hearts.  That’s why Jesus told us to love people. Part of loving people is sharing our hearts. Sharing our hearts can be sharper than barbed wire, cut more than a sword, but I believe it’s worth it. Loving is worth it.  The older I get, the more I realize how much we need Love. Like shelter, food, and rights. Love stronger than death, fear, and pain.  And I’ll be honest, the more I want it. The number one threat in our lives is the absence of love.  If you have it, you are up high, if you’re missing it, nothing else will fill that grave that sits in your heart.  I want Jesus to share His heart with me, to know my Father’s heart, and to experience His heart through the Spirit.  I need to do a better job of sharing my heart with Him. I’m so awful at sharing it with everyone and everything except Him. I’m always reminded how much He loves me, even though I don’t really show Him I love Him 99/100 times.  But, He is always waiting for me to come back, like it’s in His nature to see past our baggage and embrace us right where we are. The challenge is to ask and wait for Love to come down and meet us in the middle of our hearts.

Who Am I? Who Are You?

“I wish that for just one time, you could stand inside my shoes, and just for that one moment, I could be you”- “Positively 4th Street”~Bob Dylan
Who do you say I am?
I think lately, I’ve been dealing with the idea that people have an idea of who I am, but they don’t actually know me. To know of something, is to have an idea of it, but to Know something is deep. It’s an intensive definition. I like the way Bob Dylan talks about this concept in this interview. If you want to watch the whole thing, I reccommend it. But if not, and you just want to know my reference, then you should watch starting at 3:00. While it is entertaining, there are some real concepts to what he's rambling about.



I don’t want to come across as the type to just be upset at the world, we all should be that type anyway. I think, I’ve got this notion that no person (here on earth) really knows me. I’m glad my relationship with Jesus Christ says differently. When I read Psalm 139, it reassures me that I’m alright. I like what David records in the first few verses:
“You have searched me, LORD,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
You are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
You, LORD, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain. “-Psalm 139:1-6

Right there in the very first verse. “You know me”. I’m so thankful to have the Creator of the universe Know me. He doesn’t look at my history; He doesn’t hold me at fault for who I used to be. I really believe the Scriptures when it says in 2 Corinthians 5:17, that I am a “new creation”. Do you? Do you think you are liable for the person you were? Do you think you are limited by who you once were, and disbelieve that the Lord can change you? I think it’s worldly to think amongst Christians that we will always do that which we have always done. If you really believe this, then it’s false. What Hope is that? That says you’ll never change, and you’ll never become closer to God. That your righteousness is in a sense, based on who you were. “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”- 2 Corinthians 5:21
I don’t believe those that have the false doctrine that we’ll always do what we have done. If someone is focusing their whole person on Christ, and His goodness, how could they not come away changed? How could they not be someone else? The disciples were ordinary men (Acts 4:13), but had clearly been with Jesus. Do you see that in your brothers and sisters? A verse that rocks me to the soul is found in 1st Samuel.
“…The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7b
The Lord sees your heart. He doesn’t see just your outer shell. You may walk around with an idea, of who you are, and maybe people view you in a certain way, but the Lord sees differently. It is intimate. To Know someone’s heart is another level. I don’t need anyone to see me for what God has put in my heart, my security rests in what He says about me. Despite all of my shortcomings, there is love in me; there are things to be done.
I think our identities can be wrapped up in our baggage sometimes, as well. Where you’ve been, who you were hurt by, or who you hurt need to be reckoned with Jesus. In sincere repentance, and sincere devotion to His saving power, that baggage doesn’t need to follow you. With a burden that is light and a yoke that is easy (Matthew 11:30), Jesus actually wants to take your baggage. What a marvelous gift, we just have to be sure to give Him our hurt, our wounds, and our failures. When we do that, we will Know Him more, and we will experience the freedom that He gives us.
So now, let us love one another in Christ, and not in our circumstances. God’s done a mighty work in me, to change the awful boy that I once was, into a broken, saved child. We’re still sinful, and we need to know where we fall, but the fear to stop trying doesn’t come from God. A fear to love, a fear to go on is from the enemy. We have to be careful that we don’t take that fear in to our hearts, and embrace it. But embrace the power of God, and embrace the love that offers us. After all, God’s love has conquered the grave.

Square One, Before Ministry

Ministry and intimacy. We think they conflict for some reason. Often times, I think that ministry and worshipping are two separate acts. But in reality, they are intertwined and so connected that it’s ridiculous! In fact, Graham Cooke says this, “ALL of life is spiritual, so all of your life is a ministry.” What a great Truth to remember! If we aren’t walking in the Spirit, not talking to the Father, not experiencing the Spirit of God, then we are failing to do life with Him. He is worthy of our love and thoughts. And even as I write this, you have to know this comes at a time of fluctuation. I haven’t been feeling this. Times have been hard, and not easy to be in the Spirit like I enjoy and was created to be in. But, God draws me back to Himself, showing me that this world just cannot cut it. That chasing after Him is an everyday, every moment sprint. It’s fast. We can’t have any part of us that is lagging or wanting to go back. The biggest scare that I have had has been to be walking the same way and the same speed I did when I first became a Christian. It was good for then, but now He is calling me to give even more, to love Him even more. Why? Because He deserves every breath I breathe, every thought I think, every smile I smile. He deserves my worship. And, He is my greatest delight. The joy of the Lord is my strength (as written in Nehemiah 8:10). How true of a statement that really is. In times of struggle, I think we can all count the losses, and the heartaches. We feel the brokenness. We feel the weight of our shame. As Paul even wrote about suffering:
“We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us”-2 Corinthians 1:8b-10
We have to rely on God. Not ourselves. Last time I checked, I didn’t possess any power in the confines of my weak flesh to overcome my circumstances. But the power of God can. And He does. It is when we worship Him, that we proclaim His beauty, power, steadfast love, and comfort over our hurt as well as the enemy. Jesus said that if we abide in Him, and ask anything in His Name, He will do it (John 15:7). The power of our pleas, requests and proclamations have to be understood. The Holy Spirit inside of us can proclaim eternal yells and truths. Our praises not only reach God whom we worship but pierce the enemy who is after our soul.
I hope this encourages the Church to realize that there is power in the words He gives us. There is Life that is spoken. Love the Lord. Love people around you. Give yourself to Him and give your words to Him. He will honor you in His Kingdom, and on earth. Let Him resurrect you out of the grave of shame and disappointment, and allow Him to sink the gospel into you. It is a fight we have to fight until He comes back.

The Father's Will; My Joy

“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
Your kingdom come,
Your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
As we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one."
- Matthew 6:9-13
I think something that has been really become true for me to pray is “Your Will be done”. How hard it can be to pray that. But what is in the Father’s Will? Only goodness, peace, and love come with the Father’s Will. He has loved us with an everlasting love and has drawn us with an everlasting kindness (Jeremiah 31:3). With that being said, He is not a god that He can fail…or lie. How often do we treat God as if He is a friend we had in high school that stabbed us in the back? All the time. We act like God isn’t God. Something I struggle with is really trusting that His Will can actually bring me happiness and Joy. I always feel as though His Will could almost hurt my happiness. But it is when I sacrifice my limited, dirty, and weak will that I can see Him for who He really is. The question is this, can I allow my heart to believe this:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. “
-Jeremiah 29:11-13

If I honestly believed that, then I would clearly see that my plans can’t prosper me like my Father’s, and that my plans would in fact, harm me. And I know that is true. This passage also says I will find the Lord when I seek Him with all my heart. I will find Him! Not His stuff, or His gifts, but the Lord Himself. And that is what we desire ultimately. I want to love God because He is worthy of my worship; not because of what that will mean for me in return.
Ultimately, I want to look at Jesus. That’s all I really want to do.

“Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.”
- Psalm 34:5
I will be radiant when I look to Him. No more shame. I will be radiant!

“For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light. “
- Psalm 36:9
Jesus is our fountain of life. The Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6). He is our whole purpose here. And through Him, we can see Him, and His Light. I want to be in that light of His.

“Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart. “
- Psalm 37:4
This is a great verse. Firstly, delight yourself in Him. Take pleasure in in Him, enjoy Him, adore Him. That is key! Also, the Lord really broke me of something regarding this verse. I used to see it as in delighting once in a while and then expecting, “Okay, God…why are You not giving me the desires of my heart already? They have to be good, because I’ve delighted, haven’t I?” That doesn’t work! So, “Delight yourself….” Is not a once in awhile thing. It is a constant devotion and dedication. I don’t think anyone ever delighted in something once. Delighting in the Lord must be constant. He can change our hearts if we give them up to Him.

My goal is to seek the Lord. And I want to be filled in the Spirit, to be joyful in Him, and to not worry about anything about my relationship with Him.
“Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.”
- Ephesians 5:18
Or as The Message says:
“Don't drink too much wine. That cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him” - Ephesians 5:18 (The Message)
Jesus enriches my life, and all my broken cisterns leave me restless.


Father, in You, I commit my trust, and my Spirit. It is Yours. Do with me what You choose; You are my security, and my Joy. I can’t leave Your presence without feeling changed. Change me. Fall on me more, I want to see You. That is all I want.