Out of rope, sand in your hands, and Hope

I’ve been running this rat race lately of trying to do things and be alright so that I can be, in fact, “alright”.  Or at least have the appearance of being alright  I don’t know you if follow me or not.  But, maybe you’ve been through a time or several when you’re out on the end of your rope and you’re looking up, saying “Okay, when are You gonna help me out, I mean, really replace this stuff?”  I know I certainly am out of that rope. When you feel like you’ve run out of wind, and you’re just out in the ocean, waiting on some kind of miraculous action to come and save you.  Sometimes you know you’re out of your rope.  And maybe you don’t know you’re out of your rope.  But, you look down at your hands to see what you’re holding onto, and you find yourself without a rope, or anything to grab onto.  You find out, you’ve been holding on, desperately at that, to just sand.  And then it leaves your hands all at once, and you find yourself falling down, trying to find that rope.  Life has to be more than surviving.  I want to feel the security of running a race worth running, and love that doesn't run dry, or leave me at the end of the road wondering what happened.  Resurrection is what I need, to be raised up in the spirit and in my core to know it's all going to work out, and I will make it.  I need an assurance that the broken mess I wake up in, and stand in, is being attended to and that it will all be fixed.  I want Truth, help and healing.  In a world where not everything fits together, what may work for you, may not work for me. I’m ready for the Lord to come down into my circumstances, flip me and my world upside down, and resurrect everything that I broke. 
 I particularly like John Mark McMillan’s “Love You Swore”, and you will too. It’s honest worship.  Some lines certainly resonate with me & my walk.

“Spare my body from the wolves, God

That crouch down at my door,

Lift me up above the waters,

And the sharks that guard your shore,

Cause I know that I need you,

But sometimes I know it more,

Whoa oh…

Harbor me in the eye of the storm,

I’m holding on to love you swore”

Check it out:

Right after I wrote the last portion of the blog, I realized that I had to get some release and help. I didn’t really want to, to be honest. I tried my best to play some guitar (with a capo, anyone can sound like they almost know what they’re doing), and I just starting expressing how I felt, and I kept saying these lines over (some more than others), and I started to cry and really break through, hope you can be encouraged:

I choose to praise You, God

I know you’re good

Even when my circumstances don’t look like it

I know you love me

Even though I cant feel it

You are good

I wish you’d come down here and fix my mess

I want to have faith

You’re all that I’m holding onto

I know you’ll protect me